Welcome, @abalone123 ! I'm sorry you're suffering so much with depression. 😞 I can certainly relate. I've had MDD (major depression) on and off all my life. It's been severe often, with 3 suicide attempts when I was young (I'm 51 now).
17 years ago I had a major nervous breakdown (=severe depression, where you can't function) lasting 3 years, which I spent in bed. I was intensely suicidal during that time. Since that ended 14 years ago, I haven't had severe depression. What changed for me? It was being referred to an excellent psychiatrist, who immediately changed my anti-depressant to something stronger, at a high dose. She also started talk therapy with me, which started the healing process for me regarding my childhood (actually lifelong) trauma and abuse.
Also, this is a funny little thing but it really had an effect on me: at the end of those 3 years in bed, someone gave me a bottle of multi-vitamins. This gave me a little bit of energy, enough to start turning things around.
I had to rebuild my life from scratch, as I'd lost 95% of my friends during the nervous breakdown and also my plans in life. I started volunteering, which gave me new friends and also a purpose, somewhere to go and feel needed.
I still get some depression sometimes, but it's SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and there's no SI (suicidal ideation) or SH (self harm). It's a different kettle of fish altogether, and much more manageable.
Do you have any professional support? Like a counsellor, meds, psychologist or psychiatrist?
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I hope you find the forums supportive...
