Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay

That's so great about the blue butterfly and the pool water ! It does take a bit of practice I think, but it should help to get that blood pressure back down ....... ✅

I have picked up your posts this morning. My Dad is staying with me from the country cos he had knee surgery this morning - all went well ..... ✅ but the Wifi here is a bit dodgy.

So great the mess about your MIL's bond is sorted out, or will be anyway, and that stress has been dealt with ....... ✅

Yeah, sometimes when our families get used to us dealing with everything they get their noses out of joint when they are asked to deal with the mundane small stuff that is part of our every day, and it's a real imposition for them. Good for you @BlueBay, making space for yourself and your needs, and recognising what they are ....... the next step might be to not get quite so upset when they don't understand and get a bit cranky about it ....... you will have to be very patient with them. Try to just tell yourself that they will gradually 'get it'. Just roll your eyes to yourself and take a deep breath rather than letting your blood boil ....... and count to 100. They will carry on a little bit for a while, but they will start to acclimatise to caring about your needs too ........

Do you know, if you firmly but politely say wagtail you need and what you intend to do, and remain as calm and polite as you can, there is actually very little anyone else can do to stop you. You will start to feel the personal power of that if you practice it a bit.

Hugs 💗🌷

[BlueBay]

Friends:

I thought I had some good friends

that would help me come along

but just when i was down

no one came around

I thoughts friends understood

of what they need to do

instead they push me down further

and it hurts me so much

I thought it would be easier

to talk to my friends

but now not so sure

it makes me angry too

I would do anything for my friends

as i have helped them many times before

but i guess I'm just a bother to them

so may as well just go

It's hard to have good friends

for they talk behind your back

they talk about my mental health

and it gets so damn angry

This one particular friend

puts me down every time i go to work

i wish i was never there

but it's too late now

Wish i was never ever born

for i don't know why people are like this

i always get treated like crap

and then never taken serioiusly

Well i dont care anymore

about anything or anyone

i just wish i was not there anymore

but i can't go

damn wish i could just disappear

for even for a little while

for i would show some so called friends

that it;s all real and not a lie

why do i have to prove my mental illness

just because you can't always see it

its all true i scream at them

but no one listens

[CherryBomb]

Beautiful poem @BlueBay. It can feel like a real let down when friends don't get you.  It can seem like that they are making you the issue - they don't see that the illness is the issue. Unfortunately, not many people get mental illness. Things are getting better though very slowly. I find that explaining to people what mental illness is can sometimes be helpful, but not all the time. 

Surround yourself with people who get it, and can give you the support you need and deserve. Seeking support from people who can't give you want you need for whatever reason (e.g., lack of understanding, no energy, no time) can just set yourself up for disappointment, hurt, and shame. We care about you on here.

Remember, it's not your fault. 

You mentioned that you wish you weren't here, but that you can't go. To me, it seems like you're experiencing so much pain that you're contemplating suicide, but you're hanging on. I'm sad to think about the pain you are experiencing to have these thoughts. But I'm also glad that you're hanging on. What makes you hang on @BlueBay? 

[BlueBay]

@CherryBomb
I think what keeps me going are my 3 beautiful kids. don't think anything else. I just wish I could live a happy life stress free. I feel the past 20 yrs having mother in law live with us has caused so much anger now with me towards her
I always feel so depressed at the end of
The week. Maybe it's tiredness?
I sometimes feel that I am a burden to my friends and that they don't want to know of my issues.
At least here I know I have friends who do care and offer support.
I still am angry at some friends that don't get it.
I wish I knew what to do with my life. Have no idea. Not good at anything. Wish I had motivation and energy to do more in life but I'm struggling and feeling so fragile.

[Mazarita]

Storm ocean rising,
panic swirls deep gut.

Breath rises large
to surf swells of trouble.

Swallowing water hungry
beneath weakened plank.

Flooding memory with
past life drownings.

[GonePirate]

so alone in a digital world

a prison of my mind

how is it that thoughts

can be so unkind

type a message anonymous

to people i will never meet

then flood in the waves of pain

and force me to retreat

here and there i post a line

adding to a thread

just so these people i dont know

will know i am not dead

so alone in a digital world

where people seldom speak

of the pain and agony

that makes me feel so weak

whats the reason to this loneliness

why do i disconnect from all

like socially im anxious

and mentally ive hit the wall

there is nowhere further up to go

maybe i have achieved recovery

and maybe im just a miserable person

like maybe its just me

so alone in a digital world

its me against my mind

fighting for answers

answers ill never find...

[GonePirate]

i suppose to float away would be too easy

leaving this world is a thaught that does please me

but i remain here with ties that bind

an anchor i cant ever leave behind

a weight that bears down upon my ship 

upon wich i never relenquish my grip

it keeps me tethered to this life

despite the suffering despite the strife

its heavy although its burdonless

its keeps me safe i must confess

my anchor is my dearest son

without him id come undone

when the world berrated my ship and sank her

i think where would i be without this anchor

and i float on grounded once again

narrowly avoiding a gruesome end

these anchors do not slow us down

they help me wrap my head around

the confusing nature of the tides

and the the enemy who always hides

deep within the belly of my ship

i cannot let my fortitude slip

i must press on despite all adversity

no one can make me do it only me

but i do it also for someone else

theres a reason i focus on my mental health

cause if i fade away beneath the waves

hes the one who would be most in pain

my anchor my tether to this realm

the pain it would just overwhelm

and crush him so

a fact i know

so from this day forever more

i will sail shore to shore

a fight the tides that berrate me so

so as i can watch him grow

until the time i have to leave

then as a man he will have to grieve

but by then his anchors he would have found

and they can keep his feet on the ground

this is all truth i am not bluffing

without my anchor i am nothing...

[Faith-and-Hope]

Love this poem @GonePirate ....

A bard ye surely are m'hearty .... and keep yer heart in there ye surely must !!

❤⚓

[GonePirate]

thanks @Faith-and-Hope glad you liked it

[Faith-and-Hope]

@GonePirate

💙⚓️

Anchors be very precious things ....