Writing As A Form Of Therapy

[Silenus]

Hi @BlueBay 🙂

I know what you mean. My father projected his perfectionism onto me from a very early age. I always failed to live up to his high expectations...

Meh... I got over his issues, and stopped letting them rule my life... his issues, his problems... I can't fix his problems, only he can...

Similar to your mother, @BlueBay

She has a problem. Your current life issue is working out how you deal with her problem...

I would hope it leads to opportunities for growth and independence for you. Huge hugs in these troubling times... 🙂

[Faith-and-Hope]

Powerful poetry @GonePirate

I hope you keep writing it out.

Better for the soul than Red Absinthe

But looking for anaesthesia is understandable ........

Thinking of you, and wishing you some peace of heart, m'hearty.

⚓️ ⚔ ☠

[Decadian]

Too right @Silenus

We have enough of our own stuff to carry around through life - whatever it is - financial stress, anxiety and depression, PTSD. chonic pain - Fibromyalgia, chronic fatiques syndrome etc etc etc

And we don't need someone else dragging us back - hey - let them have their own hang-up, regrets and let them live in their world of limited understanding

Those of us who feel lost in the surf are gradually winning I think - it's maybe a tortoise and hare thing - but if we are going to get to the end learning as we go - we are better off not dragging people like that behind us

It's dead weight

Decadian

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Decadian 😊

[Mazarita]

I wonder if anyone will mind if I write therapeutically an occasional diary in this thread. Testing the water, here goes...

Stiff, aching legs on waking. Still aching. Oh for the days when I used to walk on the beach. It seems I may have walked on the beach too much. Walking off the blues, waking up a body that had been in hibernation for years. One of the possible problems with them now, I'm told, is that I walked barefoot all that time. But I thought it was good for us to walk barefoot. It was a great pleasure to walk that borderline between earth and sea, the waves lapping at my feet. I wonder if it's something I'll be able to experience much again. If not, I will try and be grateful I had those years of lapping waves kissing troubled sole.

Back in my cave, today I finally achieved direct contact with the writer whose piece I have adapted for the latest video I've put together. She was too busy to watch immediately but has said she will give it her attention by tomorrow. Then she will say yay or nay on whether I can share it beyond my living room. Now I'm just afraid she will forget about it in her busy-ness. This writer happens to have a substantial reputation, even internationally, and so her incentive to be glad or even much notice my little piece may be small. Usually I make videos from the work of writers who are unknown or not very much known, like myself.

The other unusual thing about this one is that it is the first piece I have made that is very much about Australia. Previously, I have mostly put together videos about more personal, universal issues, often from people writing in other countries. For some reason, the Australian-ness of this video has me feeling more vulnerable, wanting more for approval. Hard to say why without going into a lot more detail. Suffice to say, I do not always feel comfortable or accepted in my own country.

This writing may be the closest I get these days to rants. I usually suppress a lot of my emotions in real life. Writing of this kind helps to release some of the feeling I have stored up inside. I still never tell my deepest stories though. They seems too strange to reveal to anyone really, too potentially controversial, too archetypically between me and the dead. 

Without being suicidal, death is often on my mind.

As is life.

[Appleblossom]

Glad you are getting attention for your work @Mazarita

Our Australianness is delicate for me .. and always has .. you are on of the first women of my own age who I have had some good nostalic reflections with .. about Melbourne and Oz film .. thanks bella ..

Sorry about your legs ... I used to be a barefoot queen and still often garden in the summer in bare feet.. unless I need to dig.

Maybe the beach walk will be less frequent but I hope you still can get there ... knowing you were there .. helped me imagine I was ... talk about living viscerally through others ..duh ...

[Mazarita]

Yes, I have enjoyed our cultural proximity too, @Appleblossom. I thought of you when I was writing about my difficulties with my nationality. I am really sulking about my legs at the moment, feel a kind of mourning process setting in about how bad they are. I did ballet and used to dance a lot when I was younger, so much pleasure and release in that. So to feel my legs failing me is a painful thing aside from the physical pain. Nostalgia is a good compensation in some ways though. Memories are so important to our lives. They can be melancholy or joyful and everything in between. But they are as present as dreams in my experience, and life would be far poorer without them. 

[BlueBay]

As I sit at home alone

The chills are going through my bone

I can hear the rain outside

I really need to hide

I feel so sad for my little girl

where everything is in a swirl

I don't have any photos of her

and most of the memories are just a blur

I wish i could talk to this little girl

and tell her I love her with that curl

tell her how much she is loved

but it's all gone

And as the tears start to flow

I just wish I could go

to somewhere nice over the sea

and let me just be me

I don't know why I'm writing this

My mind is all in a bliss

of anger, fear and comfort too

I just wish I could be you

I dont even know what I want

but all i can see is you in front

this is such a crazy mind

i just need a litte more time

I wish I was strong

and had a great bond

but i know i never will

so the mind tries to sit still

None of this is making sense

It's just all words that made me commence

to write this piece of story of me

oh I wish I was free

[Silenus]

So anyhoo...

Firstly, @Mazarita - thank you for the gift of your words in this active and hopefully therapeutic conversation. 🙂

I will read properly and digest as I am able...

So here I am at the wedding of my lovely partner's son...

[Grits teeth. Goes to happy place inside...]

Last night was a less than stellar introduction to the bride's side of the family. I organised a tasting at a winery I'm a member of. I paid for lots of wine, a pig on the spit, salads...

Alas, the selfish ignorance and greed of a lot of people meant that I got no thanks from the gathering (except for from "my" side of the family)...

I also got no food, either...

Not even a tiny sliver of crackling...

I guess that makes me a selfish person... thinking only of the impact on myself...

[A mixture of sarcasm and mild regret that so many humans seem to be stuck in their own little I-Me-Mine ego bubbles with little consideration for others...]

This is why I am dedicated to personal self evolution... it's about improvement of self, and an ever greater awareness of self and others...

Sigh...

[Goes back to paying for everyone else's party and trying to ignore unevolved selfish ignorance...]

This would have triggered me several years ago...

Now?

Just this...

Sigh...

[Faith-and-Hope]

Oh @Silenus

That is terrible behaviour you have encountered there (!!) and I am so sorry to hear it .......

They do say that weddings bring out the best and the worst in people ..... and while we are talking "silver linings" ...... which you are very good at ..... here are a few -

You have risen above the obnoxious carry-on ........ ✅

It has spelled out to you how much further evolved you have become ...... ✅

It has given you, and presumably your partner, clear insight about what to expect ..... and just as importantly ..... what not to expect ........ from these people going forward ....... ✅

It's not a waste in terms of what you have given ....... as there is so much integrity in having given the gift in the first place ...... and that generosity is not lost on the giving side, although sadly the ball has been dropped and somewhat broken on the receiving side ....... for which you are not responsible ..... as you have acknowledged ..... ✅

Keep looking for some joy in the occasion.  I am sure you will find some to take away with you, and we are here to share the stories.  

❤️